I’ve had a very long week, one that didn’t seem was going to end any soon.
It was like walking on a burning charcoal barefooted ignoring the pain and sore it caused amidst the blisters forming.
I don’t remember a particular day from Monday to Thursday whereby I didn’t shed tears painfully like I had lost my only child. Sometimes I would feel something cool on my cheek, wipe it off and it was a tear and so I put on a lens so nobody will notice my swollen eyelids.
There were times I was happy, like at work or when I met someone.
Times others like one taxi driver, suffered at my hands because I was so angry and mad that I displaced it on them.
Times I acted boldly so I do not look weak or sad.
Times I didn’t want anyone to ask how I was doing yet wished even a stranger could give me a hug, and tell me it’s going to be okay.
Times I just couldn’t stop the tears from flowing and would keep telling myself ” you’re stronger than this”.
I felt so tired each day and what i did most was to sleep so I do not spend time worrying.
Until Thursday evening I realised I’ve not even read a paragraph of any book nor thought of what my post for this Sunday was going to be.
Now, I much as I try to give others hope through my blog lamenting on why we should Believe, have Hope and never give up, how can I deny you all of getting to know how things are no different for me too.
How things get tough sometimes so much that I wished I could just give up.
How I kept asking this week “what will possibly go wrong if this should be the end of the road for me, I’m so tired” and then go to sleep in my favorite night wear so I do not miss it in death. Haha!
It has been very tough this week yet I managed to wear a smile, get busy with things that improves my life positively and have had as much fun as I could.
I am never letting myself succumb to this.
There is a light I can see outside this dark tunnel, proving brighter days ahead, I will just climb the ladder till I get there.
This week I had a test of Endurance.
My ability to resist, withstand, and survive pains of difficult circumstances was tested.
In all I can say;
I have been bent but not broken yet
Tired but still fighting
I’m struggling but not giving up
My tears have blurred my vision but im crawling
I’m short of breath but still living
I’m suffering but seeking
Hurting yet still Hopeful.
I know my hope does not erase the reality of what I must go through everyday but I won’t give up.
I can not give up
My crown awaits me
As much as the tears won’t stop
I can not also stop
I can not accept defeat
I will keep moving on by any means possible until I’ve endured it all.
This is my test, my cross to bear, so will gladly do so with pride.
Like reading any book, I can’t skip a chapter, not even a line. I need to read everything, meet every character and understand it all.
You may be going to through same, and probably has been bearing your cross from birth. All I can say is do so with pride, don’t succumb to it, there is an expiry date for everything.
Just remember we all need someone at a point, don’t wallow in your sorrows alone because it can kill you.
I’m grateful to the one soul who became my “SOS” until I got better.
To the lovely person who took over and asked me to go home before my working duty was over even though not knowing why, I can not thank you enough.